Keeping it simple for you

Speechless, I stood before the Almighty once again today, with endless waves of “why” and “what if” clouding my mind. I wanted to wish you both a very happy anniversary, but one question kept haunting me; if this truly is a happy anniversary, and if you both have sailed through so many years together, then why… why must you still endure such waves of sorrow and turmoil time and again? Yet, no matter what storms you have faced or overcome, you remain our greatest idols in life, and nothing can ever change that. Nana-Bou, you have always been our constant source of strength: our vitamins, our nourishment, and our energy through every phase of life. When I look back at all these years, especially the difficult times we have faced recently, there has not been a single moment when I haven’t thanked the Almighty for blessing me to be your daughter. Today, my journey and my pain may remain unspoken to the world, but you can see and understand every unexpressed emotion within me. And I promise...

I am not crying, and yet I cannot feel the ache within me. Signing a document where I had to remove your name because you are no longer here felt like the worst nightmare I could ever imagine. Yesterday, during the ritual, your absence tore through me for the first time. And today, as I signed that document, it felt as though nothing was left inside me at all. Am I just a survivor now? Just an individual? Do I really have no one left to lean on? It made me realize that there will be moments when I am utterly alone, without you, only to understand more deeply how much you mattered, how much we meant. My love, you will never fade from my memories, nor will I ever let go of the love you gave me. But this emptiness I am living through now, I wish I could erase it. Until yesterday, I could cry the pain out. Today, I struggle even to express it. I sat there, thinking about how suddenly my world has changed. I couldn't find an answer to any of my questions. But one thing I promise... ...

I don’t mean to hurt anyone with this, but something’s been weighing on me for the past few hours. I know you’re still around, and I’m trying to find my way through everything, but somewhere along the line I started feeling distant from people who once meant so much to me. The words don’t land the same anymore. Conversations feel scattered, like I can’t quite piece them into something real. You were my world once. Now it feels like everything has faded into something I can’t quite recognize, like colors that used to blend so naturally, but don’t anymore. We built something beautiful together, and it’s hard to understand how it now feels like it’s slowly slipping away. You once felt like family to me, but today it feels more like we’ve become acquaintances. Time has changed things, including how we communicate and understand each other. I don’t know if the trust we had can be rebuilt the same way again. Maybe you’re giving space to heal, and maybe I need it too but I also feel myself wi...

One wink, one text, and we both knew it was our cue to slip out unnoticed :) It used to be our quiet language, something any pair might share. A glance across the room, a subtle wink, sometimes just a quick text… enough to say, “It’s time.” Whether it was couples, siblings, or family, many had their way of slipping out of a gathering unnoticed and we were no exception. We had our rhythm ;) One of us would signal, the other would gently wrap up conversations, and together we’d make our graceful exit. Sometimes, we’d get caught and teased. I’d excuse myself politely, but the shy smile on his face would give us away every single time. Now, when I find myself in those same corners, my eyes still search for that wink, or even a message. I remind myself not to let discomfort take over, not to make it heavy for me or anyone else. But there’s an ocean within me, quietly longing for that one familiar look… convincing me, even now, that your voice still reaches my heart. And yet, I know it’s on...

 Only if you were there to listen to my days…. 

I yearn for my space.... the one that held my abandoned heart with quiet warmth, the only place my eyes could turn to for calm, for comfort. I am bound by words, yet I long to hear that voice again; the one that could quiet my fears, if only for a while, the anchor that somehow helped me rebuild myself. I hover over your name, your number, pausing again and again, holding myself back, replaying the weight of that final disagreement. Your voice still echoes, but my pulse resists it. There’s a scream within me, left unspoken.. aching to spill, aching to be heard.... xoxo..miss you immensely :(

xoxo boy... only if you could hear all my complains in one go...  The week began with a quiet determination to set my worries aside for a while and meet each day with a little more lightness. But I didn’t realize how dangerous expectations can be; how they don’t just bruise the heart, but weigh on the body too. I tried, I really did, to silence the noise in my head, chasing small, simple joys to keep myself steady. But with every passing hour, I felt myself retreating, shrinking back into my own little corner… my breathing space. It’s the only place where I can pause, steady myself, and gather the strength to rebuild what keeps slipping away. Today, I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I gave in, took the day off, and just… drove. Aimlessly. Through unfamiliar streets that honestly terrified me, I don’t think I’d ever dare to take them in the dark. But I needed something, anything, to feel grounded again. I tried reaching out, tried to distract myself, but it all blurred into restl...

I know it sounds a little whimsical, but I wished he was there, holding a tall, sunlit glass of lemonade, pausing long enough to just smile and allow me say, How thoughtful!" On heated summer afternoons, we’d drag out the enormous lawn mower (at least, it always felt enormous to me) and let it hum and chomp its way through the wild, restless grass, until the yard softened into something serene… a quiet place where I could finally breathe. A place where morning would arrive gently, carrying the scent of happiness in its very first breeze. If you’ve never noticed those early hours belong to no one. They are meant for gathering yourself, for stitching together fragments of peace, for learning how to simply  be . No human echoes only the soft, scattered songs of wandering birds, the delicate rustle of life unfolding, even the small, unseen creatures finding their joy in the ordinary. And there a spider’s web, finely woven with impossible patience, catching light like a secret remi...

Since his muscles felt weak, I began missing the strength in asking for a scalp massage. Not because I thought I wouldn’t get it, but because I didn’t want to risk the emotion it might stir in him. He wouldn’t express it openly, but I could sense the subtle weight in his words, the quiet way he missed those cozy moments we shared. We had built a rhythm, engaged in small but meaningful habits of self-care or rather, caring for each other and I missed that deeply. The simple things that surrounded us had became practices that nurtured our bond, extending our time together with giggles and effortless boundaries. Today, it felt strange when she touched my scalp, trying to create that “customer satisfaction” ambience. A brief flashback distracted me and nudged me to ask for a little more. She was time-bound and couldn’t understand the reason behind my request, but I realized something: even though the process was the same, the fingers were different. The pressure, the comfort, the pleasur...

Little did you know how much your guidance meant to me, how much I quietly looked forward to it. Sometimes it came gently, other times wrapped in teasing observations and soft giggles. Either way, it always felt like an earnest pull, as if we were effortlessly drawing each other closer, only to end up wrapped in the simple ecstasy of being together. I miss every breath of that process, from the moments of getting ready, to the end of the day when I would return and slip back into my pajamas. Yet today, I step forward prepared to feel your presence in every move I make. Because I know, and I trust, that somewhere you will be there in the audience, smiling at my mistakes and waiting to say, “Ahh… you still don’t know anything.” Life moves on, and so will I. But from the moments of dressing up to the quiet moments of letting the day go, nothing remains quite the same without you, my love. Wherever you are… wish me luck!

  I kept my calm to ease the pulse:   so much to hold within so little time. I pushed back old memories as I walked that familiar path, this time to create new captures with him. Leaving a part of the past behind felt awkward, almost heavy,  but I knew I had to move through it. We sat around the corner, refreshing memories but now, only for laughter. We remembered every bit of it, and marveled at how much had changed…and yet, how nothing truly had except: The young man sitting beside me had grown immensely in responsibility. Admired by many and still deeply rooted, he now walks with a quiet strength that somehow strengthens me too. There weren’t many words exchanged this time, yet he spoke; he spoke endlessly through his actions. The room was just as I had expected, but he turned chaos into calm, steadying every nerve. He wouldn’t let me sit still. We wandered through every corner of the dorm, and yet, somehow, he made space for me to rest. A small nap beside him brushed ...

The heart bleeds again into the quiet corridors of the subconscious, where memories hang like unfinished frames and every color stains a deeper red. Sanguinity does not suit every season; sometimes hope feels like a costume stitched too tight against the ribs. I am tired of pretending the moment is enough. With each breath I fasten a smile to my face, threading effort into the hollow spaces, yet every attempt goes in vain a promise whispered to walls that do not answer. I tell myself that someday all things will settle, that the chaos will fold into calm but I do not know if I am healing or merely hiding. I tuck away the aches, name them anything but longing. Still, when tears descend unannounced, they lead me back to where we once stood to where you let go. How miserably I miss the simple sanctuary of your arms, that quiet wrap of warmth where the world softened its edges. There are moments I want to unravel before someone yet I swallow the storm, afraid to...

Every step heals a quiet part of me. It took courage to rise and begin rebuilding, and it took the steady presence of my confidants, their faith, their encouragement to keep me moving when I could not see the way ahead. For a long time, I overlooked the fierce strength they were pouring into me, brushing it aside because I could not find a reason to stand up again. They gently reminded me that the reason was never for anyone else; it was for myself. I did not fully understand the depth of those words then, but I carry their meaning now. With reflection and silent gratitude, I began to untangle the knots of my setbacks. I returned to Mother Earth through the anklets, the ghungroo, whose rhythm steadies my breath, heals what was shaken, and slowly shapes a renewed self with every sound. They say I don’t owe them anything. What they may never fully realize is how deeply their presence has shaped me. There is something rare about the way they hold space, grounding without dimming, ste...

Excitement, anxiety, curiosity, every emotion was at its peak the day they left me standing there with my luggage and a neat little list of rules to follow. It felt like the beginning of something big. I didn’t realize then that this “detour” from home would quietly shape me into who I am today. That was the phase of my life when I truly learned to survive  and I say that with a smile. Not because it was harsh, but because it taught me resilience, strength, and self-belief in the most memorable ways. Leaving home for the first time, I was filled with eagerness to make new friends, discover what I loved, study independently, make my own decisions, walk alone with confidence, travel with courage… everything felt new and exciting. Independence wasn’t just a word; it was an adventure. At that tender age, boarding school felt like a dream come true. I had wanted it so badly, and I remain deeply grateful to my grandfather for giving me that opportunity. What I didn’t know then was how be...

From “Can I please…?” to “I want to…” and slowly, almost playfully, to “ You have to …” that shift doesn’t happen with just anyone. It unfolds quietly, between two people who understand the space between request and reassurance & yes, when I say, “ I am not demanding and I am obedient ,” it isn’t surrender, it’s trust wrapped in mischief. It’s comfort disguised as humor. That kind of laughter that follows, the kind that roars without warning and lingers far beyond the moment is rare. It doesn’t visit often. But when it does, it finds a home between two souls and stretches time into something weightless, believe me… you’ve found your person. The one who laughs not just at your jokes, but with your heart. The one whose presence turns ordinary seconds into unrepeatable memories. In the chaos of life, we often forget to honor those who once gave us their presence so effortlessly, their affection without conditions, their time without complaint. The ones who made our days softer and ...

It is your birthday, or perhaps a birthday that now exists only on personal timelines, because we always celebrated it together. This time, there is no togetherness, and there is no birthday I find myself looking forward to anymore. I don’t know how I will gather the strength when the emptiness hits its hardest. The ache of loneliness, its length unknown; cuts straight to my core. That longing to stay awake until midnight, just to catch a glimpse of your smile, even through pain, simply so I could feel happiness again… it overwhelms me. The tears fall and pull me under once more. I know you are with me; I saw you last night. You were walking down the aisle; it was vivid, almost real. I felt your presence. In the crowd, you looked at me and then walked away. The wrench inside me deepened, yet I consoled myself, once again learning how to walk alone, still wishing for just a little more time with you. Today is your special day, and I never intend to hurt you in any way. But my love, the ...

The void remains, the ache lingers… yet what endures is the trust and support each of you gave us. Shared warmth. Borrowed courage. The difference you made is what helped us weather the storm and sail through. To every individual, family, small and large group, and community, you stood with us, bound together, helping us face the storm and move forward. This year reminded us how fragile every breath can be. As we step into the next year, and the years beyond, which I still hesitate to imagine, I hope they are gentler, more welcoming, and kinder to all. Hold your loved ones close, for as long and as often as you can. Happy New Year!

My sorrows, my sorries remain unchanged  The wish of holding you for long, the agony of letting you go remain unchanged.. I find myself lost again,  My words are simple, feelings ghastly dense…  I find myself lost again, even though I know I have to navigate. No words to convince, no questions to be answered.. I find myself lost again, with a million phrases unspoken. I only wish I still had the ability to express.. may be not in words but through the vision engaged. I understand their pain but only if they knew how tired my heart is, unable to pump enough to rebuild the world again. xoxo .. I do miss you now… 

Leaning against the wall, wrapped in your warmth, chaos softens into calm! “I wish the timer would never ring.” There was a strange feeling, quietly shadowing the pleasure… not a need, not longing for more, just the wish to rest, to breathe fully inside that moment. It’s affection I crave, the kind that lingers and stays, the kind I know I’ll carry with me, always. It isn’t that I’ve ignored your advice:  I remember every word, holding them carefully, trying in silence, step by step. I wouldn’t let you down, yet the thought of facing the world again still sends a shiver through me. With you, I find the solace that helps me keep walking forward. So, keeping my words true, I only wish to remain your silly, little, greedy girl :)  wanting nothing more than your care, and the comfort of your gentle presence….of course the greed of your caressing remains 🤗 XOXO(♾️) silly boy, wish you were a little more greedier than me 🤗❤️

The journey between falling in love at first sight and dying inside from an unbearable fright has carried me through uncountable shades of emotion, gestures of tenderness, sparks of enviousness, whispers of possessiveness, waves of affection, care, concern, compromises, and above all… a reason to fall in love for  and with you,  again and again. Every day I reassure myself that even though the path is no longer the same, I will not give up. Not because I am strong, but because I never learned how to walk away from you. Instead, I remind myself that each day is a lesson, and every moment is a new chapter in a book with unknown number of pages, pages you can only breathe through. My mind keeps directing me back to the places where we once held hands and walked those few precious steps together. Yet my heart drifts elsewhere .. towards preparing your favourite meal, planning that candle-lit dinner, wrapping the gifts we chose with such playful anticipation. Shhhhh… that’s still o...