The journey between falling in love at first sight and dying inside from an unbearable fright has carried me through uncountable shades of emotion, gestures of tenderness, sparks of enviousness, whispers of possessiveness, waves of affection, care, concern, compromises, and above all… a reason to fall in love for and with you, again and again.
Every day I reassure myself that even though the path is no longer the same, I will not give up. Not because I am strong, but because I never learned how to walk away from you. Instead, I remind myself that each day is a lesson, and every moment is a new chapter in a book with unknown number of pages, pages you can only breathe through.
My mind keeps directing me back to the places where we once held hands and walked those few precious steps together. Yet my heart drifts elsewhere .. towards preparing your favourite meal, planning that candle-lit dinner, wrapping the gifts we chose with such playful anticipation.
Shhhhh… that’s still our secret.
Those little rituals, those moments of sensuality and warmth, where we pampered each other, encouraged each other, loved each other so fiercely… Today, all of that lives only in pen and ink.
I find myself organizing the evening exactly the way I would have done in your presence, but alas, neither are you here, nor is there your constant, endeared nagging about what I’m planning. The silence where your voice once lived is the heaviest part of my night.
Your last words keep echoing, reminding me of how much you meant to me, to us. But tell me, my love…
Are you truly here with me?
Are you truly hearing my silent woes?
Are you truly guiding my path, step by trembling step?
Are you still trying, in your own unseen way, to make me smile?
I am exhausted from this emotional rundown, yet it is not as if I haven’t accepted the truth; that now you live only in my thoughts, my actions, and the chambers of my heart.
I want to cherish the happiness that was once ours.
Will I ever get that again?
It’s our anniversary, my love. No candles, no flowers can brighten this day or bring back the fragrance we once blossomed together. But I will spend the day remembering you, longing for a chance to fulfill the desires you left unspoken… the ones you saved specially for this day.
Happy 24th my love!!
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