Keeping it simple for you

  Oh my goodness… the voice I had been craving for finally echoed through the silence. I turned around, searching everywhere, but in vain… and yet it was so clear, as if he stood right beside me, calling out, “Mammaa…” For a moment, I felt his presence all around me. I looked, I longed… and after months of unbearable silence, hearing that voice made my heart sink. Tears rolled down before I could even hold them back. Deep within, I always knew he was with me. Still, I kept wondering if I would ever see him again , even if only in my dreams, like I did the day after he left for heavenly glory. But this evening, while gathering every ounce of strength to prepare the invitation for his shradha ceremony, my heart was aching for him more than ever. In my thoughts and longing, I wished I could simply pull your chair close, sit beneath it, rest my head in your lap, and stay there for a while… and just then, the voice echoed again. He is here. With me. Around me. And somehow, I love him ev...

Back in the grind again… scared of the tasks ahead and overwhelmed by the weight of responsibilities. Last year, on this very day, we were holding onto each other, promising that no matter what life brought our way, we would never let go. We believed no hardship could break our strength, and together we would face every low and rise back into better days. When I look back at that moment, gently holding your feet, comforting you, silently promising myself that I would stand beside you, fight for you, and never let anything separate us for years to come, it hurts to realize that today, I no longer even have a reason to look forward to this date. Piece by piece, I am trying to gather what remains and hold everything together for our children. But the soft whispers of reassurance that once gave me strength are slowly fading into silence. Time is supposed to heal pain, but how do I explain the weight of a grief that words can barely carry? The rare moments when I laugh or feel like myself a...

Speechless, I stood before the Almighty once again today, with endless waves of “why” and “what if” clouding my mind. I wanted to wish you both a very happy anniversary, but one question kept haunting me; if this truly is a happy anniversary, and if you both have sailed through so many years together, then why… why must you still endure such waves of sorrow and turmoil time and again? Yet, no matter what storms you have faced or overcome, you remain our greatest idols in life, and nothing can ever change that. Nana-Bou, you have always been our constant source of strength: our vitamins, our nourishment, and our energy through every phase of life. When I look back at all these years, especially the difficult times we have faced recently, there has not been a single moment when I haven’t thanked the Almighty for blessing me to be your daughter. Today, my journey and my pain may remain unspoken to the world, but you can see and understand every unexpressed emotion within me. And I promise...

I am not crying, and yet I cannot feel the ache within me. Signing a document where I had to remove your name because you are no longer here felt like the worst nightmare I could ever imagine. Yesterday, during the ritual, your absence tore through me for the first time. And today, as I signed that document, it felt as though nothing was left inside me at all. Am I just a survivor now? Just an individual? Do I really have no one left to lean on? It made me realize that there will be moments when I am utterly alone, without you, only to understand more deeply how much you mattered, how much we meant. My love, you will never fade from my memories, nor will I ever let go of the love you gave me. But this emptiness I am living through now, I wish I could erase it. Until yesterday, I could cry the pain out. Today, I struggle even to express it. I sat there, thinking about how suddenly my world has changed. I couldn't find an answer to any of my questions. But one thing I promise... ...