Keeping it simple for you

Speechless, I stood before the Almighty once again today, with endless waves of “why” and “what if” clouding my mind. I wanted to wish you both a very happy anniversary, but one question kept haunting me; if this truly is a happy anniversary, and if you both have sailed through so many years together, then why… why must you still endure such waves of sorrow and turmoil time and again? Yet, no matter what storms you have faced or overcome, you remain our greatest idols in life, and nothing can ever change that. Nana-Bou, you have always been our constant source of strength: our vitamins, our nourishment, and our energy through every phase of life. When I look back at all these years, especially the difficult times we have faced recently, there has not been a single moment when I haven’t thanked the Almighty for blessing me to be your daughter. Today, my journey and my pain may remain unspoken to the world, but you can see and understand every unexpressed emotion within me. And I promise...

I am not crying, and yet I cannot feel the ache within me. Signing a document where I had to remove your name because you are no longer here felt like the worst nightmare I could ever imagine. Yesterday, during the ritual, your absence tore through me for the first time. And today, as I signed that document, it felt as though nothing was left inside me at all. Am I just a survivor now? Just an individual? Do I really have no one left to lean on? It made me realize that there will be moments when I am utterly alone, without you, only to understand more deeply how much you mattered, how much we meant. My love, you will never fade from my memories, nor will I ever let go of the love you gave me. But this emptiness I am living through now, I wish I could erase it. Until yesterday, I could cry the pain out. Today, I struggle even to express it. I sat there, thinking about how suddenly my world has changed. I couldn't find an answer to any of my questions. But one thing I promise... ...