Since the day I carried them in my womb, the instinct for their cuddles and their clinging grew stronger. As the days passed, the bond evolved from a mother to a friend. I fondly embraced the transition from being called “Mamma” to “Mom,” and at times even “Bruh." :) Gbro and Vbro fit so perfectly into the warmth of my arms that, in the blink of an eye, they outgrew my lap.
From late-night worries and tears to late-night dinners and conversations, I feel fortunate to have given them the freedom to speak, to sit, and to simply breathe. I take pride in earning their trust and being their one-stop place for anything that mattered.
As time passed, they began to nurture the values once instilled in them. They found their own ways to steady themselves, yet I remained their quiet, constant place to return to. With every passing day, we grew closer and found comfort in each other.
It was in these moments that Vbro would sometimes cuddle and cling as if he was carrying worries he couldn’t put into words. Then you stepped in, helping me find the confidence to draw those worries out of him. With a voice so fragile and a touch so strong, he finally spoke:
“Missing him isn’t my choice, it’s my fate. He stood for Gbro, but now I don’t see him anywhere. He cheered for Gbro, but now the echo feels empty.”
I am thankful I did not wait for tomorrow to have this conversation as I always believe in the present. Future isn't something I can see, better live now, better communicate now, better breathe now... Tomorrow does not exist is all I know.
I comforted him and, in doing so, reassured myself: no matter what comes our way, I will stand for both of them for the both of us, as their dad and their mom.
I cannot erase the emptiness, but I promise to fill it with the pride and joy they deserve. Promises have always been the hardest for me to make, but this time, I made two. I know how scared I am, but I cannot let another hurdle pull me under.
I will stand by you, no matter what....be your cheerleader, as I always was for him and for you. Maybe a little more this time, and always beyond.
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