The Greed for Protection Knows No Bounds

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 While I am still navigating through the tides, I often meet and interact with people who cheer me for every little step. They strengthen my confidence and make an effort to put a smile on my face. With them, I play that side of myself which the world wants to see. At times, there are filters, there could be mixed emotions, but never do I hesitate to gulp in my worries and portray a smile. Maybe that is how I would like to continue seeing myself. It doesn’t harm, but it does take some effort. Those instances come and go. It’s not that I disrespect them, but I don’t take them back home. I live those moments at that time for those people. They help!

And then, there are you all I count on, I rely on more than anything. I don’t stop myself from connecting and asking. Since you have seen the downside, you care and make every bit of your presence valuable. You let me share my worries and anchor me with direction. I owe you a lot in whatever way I can, since you stood like a pillar for this broken bone. You ensured I was heard and are still ensuring I am safe and in sanity. You matter!!

And now, coming to you… you have no idea how much I owe you. You have joined the puzzled, broken pieces of this heart into one. Do you know what that means? I may have spoken flawlessly and without shyness, but that is only because I felt safe, touched yet untouched, cared for, valued, and preserved with dignity. It doesn’t just happen. There could be impulsive moments where I have just barged into you, but you were there, and still are, helping me breathe and regain the smile I once thought I lost forever.

I may be unstoppable before you, but I find myself fortunate enough to have found someone I can just trust. I understand the intricacies of the situation, and it’s not that I haven’t given a thought to it, but yet, it is that space that provides the warmth of life. It is that moment that heals so much of myself. I know I entered the door as someone who didn’t know where she was thrown out to, and even now, I know I am still in the tunnel. But I am assured that I will be able to fight that light. I am waiting for it soon.

I wish I had never entered the door and caused any damage, but I also feel that it is concrete enough to hold still. You reminded me of the person I am and the sensitivity I carry. You reminded me of the fragility that my heart holds. You let me be me. What else can I ask for?

I may need or demand some more help, but if you may trust me, I ask for nothing more than your time. The unspoken words still remain, but I am grateful for the person you are and the care you provide. I may have harmed you enough to not let go, but if it wasn’t you, then I doubt if I would be me.

I shan’t regret this anytime, as I will always look back to you, even though I walk ahead.

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