The laughing Companion :)

From “Can I please…?” to “I want to…” and slowly, almost playfully, to “You have to…” that shift doesn’t happen with just anyone. It unfolds quietly, between two people who understand the space between request and reassurance & yes, when I say, “I am not demanding and I am obedient,” it isn’t surrender, it’s trust wrapped in mischief. It’s comfort disguised as humor.

That kind of laughter that follows, the kind that roars without warning and lingers far beyond the moment is rare. It doesn’t visit often. But when it does, it finds a home between two souls and stretches time into something weightless, believe me… you’ve found your person. The one who laughs not just at your jokes, but with your heart. The one whose presence turns ordinary seconds into unrepeatable memories.

In the chaos of life, we often forget to honor those who once gave us their presence so effortlessly, their affection without conditions, their time without complaint. The ones who made our days softer and our evenings lighter. Sometimes it’s one person. Sometimes it’s a small, beautifully chaotic constellation of lovable crackheads who make absolutely no sense to the world - but they make perfect sense to you.

With them, your laughter is unfiltered. Your words don’t need rehearsing. There is no fear of being misunderstood, no weight of judgment; only a shared language made of eye-rolls, inside jokes, and silent glances that say everything. It is a freeway built on respect, care, and an unspoken promise: I’ve got you.

We all deserve that one companion. It could be anyone. It could be the most unexpected soul. But when you find them, you realize they are not just part of your life. They steady it!

And if I’m honest… my life leans heavily on that one person. The little time we spent together carries a disproportionate amount of joy. It fills spaces I didn’t know were empty. It quiets noise I didn’t know was loud. It’s difficult to put into words, perhaps because some emotions refuse to be reduced to sentences.

But as they say, feelings and emotions are the purest form of communication & if you’re reading between these lines… you already know :) xoxo

End of the Togetherness in Celebrating Together

It is your birthday, or perhaps a birthday that now exists only on personal timelines, because we always celebrated it together. This time, there is no togetherness, and there is no birthday I find myself looking forward to anymore.

I don’t know how I will gather the strength when the emptiness hits its hardest. The ache of loneliness, its length unknown; cuts straight to my core. That longing to stay awake until midnight, just to catch a glimpse of your smile, even through pain, simply so I could feel happiness again… it overwhelms me. The tears fall and pull me under once more.

I know you are with me; I saw you last night. You were walking down the aisle; it was vivid, almost real. I felt your presence. In the crowd, you looked at me and then walked away. The wrench inside me deepened, yet I consoled myself, once again learning how to walk alone, still wishing for just a little more time with you.

Today is your special day, and I never intend to hurt you in any way. But my love, the 51st and the 45th birthdays we once dreamed of together will never be the same anymore.

I vowed to take care of you in every way I could, yet today I wish I could do so much more. I miss you deeply, my love. Stay well and live a healthy life wherever you may go, for you will always live in my heart and I promise, even then, I will continue to take care of you.

I miss you deeply, my hummingbird, longing for your embrace and the quiet space where I belong.

The void remains, the ache lingers… yet what endures is the trust and support each of you gave us.

Shared warmth. Borrowed courage.
The difference you made is what helped us weather the storm and sail through.

To every individual, family, small and large group, and community, you stood with us, bound together, helping us face the storm and move forward.

This year reminded us how fragile every breath can be. As we step into the next year, and the years beyond, which I still hesitate to imagine, I hope they are gentler, more welcoming, and kinder to all.

Hold your loved ones close, for as long and as often as you can.

Happy New Year!

An ache that remains :(

My sorrows, my sorries remain unchanged 

The wish of holding you for long, the agony of letting you go remain unchanged..

I find myself lost again, 

My words are simple, feelings ghastly dense… 

I find myself lost again, even though I know I have to navigate.

No words to convince, no questions to be answered..

I find myself lost again, with a million phrases unspoken.

I only wish I still had the ability to express.. may be not in words but through the vision engaged.

I understand their pain but only if they knew how tired my heart is, unable to pump enough to rebuild the world again.

xoxo .. I do miss you now… 

The 3 Cs I see .. Care, Comfort & Caressing 🫶🏻

Leaning against the wall,
wrapped in your warmth,
chaos softens into calm!
“I wish the timer would never ring.”

There was a strange feeling,
quietly shadowing the pleasure…
not a need, not longing for more,
just the wish to rest,
to breathe fully inside that moment.

It’s affection I crave,
the kind that lingers and stays,
the kind I know I’ll carry with me, always.

It isn’t that I’ve ignored your advice: 
I remember every word,
holding them carefully,
trying in silence, step by step.

I wouldn’t let you down,
yet the thought of facing the world again
still sends a shiver through me.

With you, I find the solace
that helps me keep walking forward.
So, keeping my words true,
I only wish to remain
your silly, little, greedy girl :) 
wanting nothing more
than your care,
and the comfort of your gentle presence….of course the greed of your caressing remains 🤗

XOXO(♾️) silly boy, wish you were a little more greedier than me 🤗❤️

Celebrating the Love That Death Cannot End..

The journey between falling in love at first sight and dying inside from an unbearable fright has carried me through uncountable shades of emotion, gestures of tenderness, sparks of enviousness, whispers of possessiveness, waves of affection, care, concern, compromises, and above all… a reason to fall in love for and with you, again and again.

Every day I reassure myself that even though the path is no longer the same, I will not give up. Not because I am strong, but because I never learned how to walk away from you. Instead, I remind myself that each day is a lesson, and every moment is a new chapter in a book with unknown number of pages, pages you can only breathe through.

My mind keeps directing me back to the places where we once held hands and walked those few precious steps together. Yet my heart drifts elsewhere .. towards preparing your favourite meal, planning that candle-lit dinner, wrapping the gifts we chose with such playful anticipation.
Shhhhh… that’s still our secret.
Those little rituals, those moments of sensuality and warmth, where we pampered each other, encouraged each other, loved each other so fiercely… Today, all of that lives only in pen and ink.

I find myself organizing the evening exactly the way I would have done in your presence, but alas, neither are you here, nor is there your constant, endeared nagging about what I’m planning. The silence where your voice once lived is the heaviest part of my night.

Your last words keep echoing, reminding me of how much you meant to me, to us. But tell me, my love…

Are you truly here with me?
Are you truly hearing my silent woes?
Are you truly guiding my path, step by trembling step?
Are you still trying, in your own unseen way, to make me smile?

I am exhausted from this emotional rundown, yet it is not as if I haven’t accepted the truth; that now you live only in my thoughts, my actions, and the chambers of my heart.

I want to cherish the happiness that was once ours.
Will I ever get that again?

It’s our anniversary, my love. No candles, no flowers can brighten this day or bring back the fragrance we once blossomed together. But I will spend the day remembering you, longing for a chance to fulfill the desires you left unspoken… the ones you saved specially for this day.

Happy 24th my love!! 

A quiet request for Comfort..

May I have a moment to rest my head on your lap, to let the storm inside me slowly settle..

A moment to simply breathe: 
while your hands soothe the tension in my shoulders once more..

Let me smile through the tears…
tears that fall only so I can pause, gather myself,
and rise again.
My body curls in on itself from a pain I can’t name;
I am tired in ways words can’t hold.

I know life must be taken as it comes,
but still….
may I have this moment to regain my balance,
to find my way back into my own skin?

It feels as though my very flesh has loosened its grip on my bones and I wonder if I will ever feel like myself again.
I get upset over the smallest things,
but deep down I know, in those moments I am not me.

I want to laugh with you,
to cheer for you,
to be the person you know,

but first,
let me rest my head on your lap
until I can rebuild myself once more.