Keeping it simple for you

When I see the event posts, or gather the courage to step up and break a leg, a shiver rises from somewhere deep within.... a place where memories still breathe. My heart sinks, and emotions spill quietly through the cracks. The chaos of hospital corridors returns, echoing through silent rooms. Conversations bounce back from distant walls, voices layered upon voices, urgent, hopeful, fearful. It was my first time standing amidst such noise, trying to be the pillar my family needed, while everything inside me trembled. Fear had no place on my lips, though it lived in every heartbeat. I spoke firmly, pleading for help, searching for one more door, one more answer, one more chance to make things better. And you: trying to convince me that I had done all I could, that as your Savitri, I had fought enough. But my heart refused to believe it. The nurses, The doctors, The endless emergencies, The sleepless hours spent asking what else could I have done? What did I miss? Could love alone have ...

When our souls connected and we bonded, you said “I love you” in the ways you cared: a little pampering, an extra hug; a snug place inside your tee, even when I bugged. Stains of vermilion, unavoidable; love notes written on skin instead of paper. Blossoms of affection in every caress, each movement touched by a gentle breeze. Our love was nurtured through phone calls as we grew closer despite the distance. You followed your heart, setting aside discomfort because that was how you cared, and our love knew no boundaries. We cuddled through a journey filled with joy, jokes, and fresh starts whenever differences arose. Then we became parents: first to someone, then to some-two. And once again, we grew. Bound by responsibilities, yet never forgetting to detour into those old days when saying “I love you” was unnecessary because we already knew how deeply we belonged to one another. You called me the craziest person in your life, and I insisted that you simply deal with it :) We gracefully ...

  Oh my goodness… the voice I had been craving for finally echoed through the silence. I turned around, searching everywhere, but in vain… and yet it was so clear, as if he stood right beside me, calling out, “Mammaa…” For a moment, I felt his presence all around me. I looked, I longed… and after months of unbearable silence, hearing that voice made my heart sink. Tears rolled down before I could even hold them back. Deep within, I always knew he was with me. Still, I kept wondering if I would ever see him again , even if only in my dreams, like I did the day after he left for heavenly glory. But this evening, while gathering every ounce of strength to prepare the invitation for his shradha ceremony, my heart was aching for him more than ever. In my thoughts and longing, I wished I could simply pull your chair close, sit beneath it, rest my head in your lap, and stay there for a while… and just then, the voice echoed again. He is here. With me. Around me. And somehow, I love him ev...

Back in the grind again… scared of the tasks ahead and overwhelmed by the weight of responsibilities. Last year, on this very day, we were holding onto each other, promising that no matter what life brought our way, we would never let go. We believed no hardship could break our strength, and together we would face every low and rise back into better days. When I look back at that moment, gently holding your feet, comforting you, silently promising myself that I would stand beside you, fight for you, and never let anything separate us for years to come, it hurts to realize that today, I no longer even have a reason to look forward to this date. Piece by piece, I am trying to gather what remains and hold everything together for our children. But the soft whispers of reassurance that once gave me strength are slowly fading into silence. Time is supposed to heal pain, but how do I explain the weight of a grief that words can barely carry? The rare moments when I laugh or feel like myself a...

Speechless, I stood before the Almighty once again today, with endless waves of “why” and “what if” clouding my mind. I wanted to wish you both a very happy anniversary, but one question kept haunting me; if this truly is a happy anniversary, and if you both have sailed through so many years together, then why… why must you still endure such waves of sorrow and turmoil time and again? Yet, no matter what storms you have faced or overcome, you remain our greatest idols in life, and nothing can ever change that. Nana-Bou, you have always been our constant source of strength: our vitamins, our nourishment, and our energy through every phase of life. When I look back at all these years, especially the difficult times we have faced recently, there has not been a single moment when I haven’t thanked the Almighty for blessing me to be your daughter. Today, my journey and my pain may remain unspoken to the world, but you can see and understand every unexpressed emotion within me. And I promise...

I am not crying, and yet I cannot feel the ache within me. Signing a document where I had to remove your name because you are no longer here felt like the worst nightmare I could ever imagine. Yesterday, during the ritual, your absence tore through me for the first time. And today, as I signed that document, it felt as though nothing was left inside me at all. Am I just a survivor now? Just an individual? Do I really have no one left to lean on? It made me realize that there will be moments when I am utterly alone, without you, only to understand more deeply how much you mattered, how much we meant. My love, you will never fade from my memories, nor will I ever let go of the love you gave me. But this emptiness I am living through now, I wish I could erase it. Until yesterday, I could cry the pain out. Today, I struggle even to express it. I sat there, thinking about how suddenly my world has changed. I couldn't find an answer to any of my questions. But one thing I promise... ...