Keeping it simple for you

Back in the grind again… scared of the tasks ahead and overwhelmed by the weight of responsibilities. Last year, on this very day, we were holding onto each other, promising that no matter what life brought our way, we would never let go. We believed no hardship could break our strength, and together we would face every low and rise back into better days. When I look back at that moment, gently holding your feet, comforting you, silently promising myself that I would stand beside you, fight for you, and never let anything separate us for years to come, it hurts to realize that today, I no longer even have a reason to look forward to this date. Piece by piece, I am trying to gather what remains and hold everything together for our children. But the soft whispers of reassurance that once gave me strength are slowly fading into silence. Time is supposed to heal pain, but how do I explain the weight of a grief that words can barely carry? The rare moments when I laugh or feel like myself a...

Speechless, I stood before the Almighty once again today, with endless waves of “why” and “what if” clouding my mind. I wanted to wish you both a very happy anniversary, but one question kept haunting me; if this truly is a happy anniversary, and if you both have sailed through so many years together, then why… why must you still endure such waves of sorrow and turmoil time and again? Yet, no matter what storms you have faced or overcome, you remain our greatest idols in life, and nothing can ever change that. Nana-Bou, you have always been our constant source of strength: our vitamins, our nourishment, and our energy through every phase of life. When I look back at all these years, especially the difficult times we have faced recently, there has not been a single moment when I haven’t thanked the Almighty for blessing me to be your daughter. Today, my journey and my pain may remain unspoken to the world, but you can see and understand every unexpressed emotion within me. And I promise...

I am not crying, and yet I cannot feel the ache within me. Signing a document where I had to remove your name because you are no longer here felt like the worst nightmare I could ever imagine. Yesterday, during the ritual, your absence tore through me for the first time. And today, as I signed that document, it felt as though nothing was left inside me at all. Am I just a survivor now? Just an individual? Do I really have no one left to lean on? It made me realize that there will be moments when I am utterly alone, without you, only to understand more deeply how much you mattered, how much we meant. My love, you will never fade from my memories, nor will I ever let go of the love you gave me. But this emptiness I am living through now, I wish I could erase it. Until yesterday, I could cry the pain out. Today, I struggle even to express it. I sat there, thinking about how suddenly my world has changed. I couldn't find an answer to any of my questions. But one thing I promise... ...

I don’t mean to hurt anyone with this, but something’s been weighing on me for the past few hours. I know you’re still around, and I’m trying to find my way through everything, but somewhere along the line I started feeling distant from people who once meant so much to me. The words don’t land the same anymore. Conversations feel scattered, like I can’t quite piece them into something real. You were my world once. Now it feels like everything has faded into something I can’t quite recognize, like colors that used to blend so naturally, but don’t anymore. We built something beautiful together, and it’s hard to understand how it now feels like it’s slowly slipping away. You once felt like family to me, but today it feels more like we’ve become acquaintances. Time has changed things, including how we communicate and understand each other. I don’t know if the trust we had can be rebuilt the same way again. Maybe you’re giving space to heal, and maybe I need it too but I also feel myself wi...

One wink, one text, and we both knew it was our cue to slip out unnoticed :) It used to be our quiet language, something any pair might share. A glance across the room, a subtle wink, sometimes just a quick text… enough to say, “It’s time.” Whether it was couples, siblings, or family, many had their way of slipping out of a gathering unnoticed and we were no exception. We had our rhythm ;) One of us would signal, the other would gently wrap up conversations, and together we’d make our graceful exit. Sometimes, we’d get caught and teased. I’d excuse myself politely, but the shy smile on his face would give us away every single time. Now, when I find myself in those same corners, my eyes still search for that wink, or even a message. I remind myself not to let discomfort take over, not to make it heavy for me or anyone else. But there’s an ocean within me, quietly longing for that one familiar look… convincing me, even now, that your voice still reaches my heart. And yet, I know it’s on...

 Only if you were there to listen to my days….