Keeping it simple for you

The void remains, the ache lingers… yet what endures is the trust and support each of you gave us. Shared warmth. Borrowed courage. The difference you made is what helped us weather the storm and sail through. To every individual, family, small and large group, and community, you stood with us, bound together, helping us face the storm and move forward. This year reminded us how fragile every breath can be. As we step into the next year, and the years beyond, which I still hesitate to imagine, I hope they are gentler, more welcoming, and kinder to all. Hold your loved ones close, for as long and as often as you can. Happy New Year!

My sorrows, my sorries remain unchanged  The wish of holding you for long, the agony of letting you go remain unchanged.. I find myself lost again,  My words are simple, feelings ghastly dense…  I find myself lost again, even though I know I have to navigate. No words to convince, no questions to be answered.. I find myself lost again, with a million phrases unspoken. I only wish I still had the ability to express.. may be not in words but through the vision engaged. I understand their pain but only if they knew how tired my heart is, unable to pump enough to rebuild the world again. xoxo .. I do miss you now… 

Leaning against the wall, wrapped in your warmth, chaos softens into calm! “I wish the timer would never ring.” There was a strange feeling, quietly shadowing the pleasure… not a need, not longing for more, just the wish to rest, to breathe fully inside that moment. It’s affection I crave, the kind that lingers and stays, the kind I know I’ll carry with me, always. It isn’t that I’ve ignored your advice:  I remember every word, holding them carefully, trying in silence, step by step. I wouldn’t let you down, yet the thought of facing the world again still sends a shiver through me. With you, I find the solace that helps me keep walking forward. So, keeping my words true, I only wish to remain your silly, little, greedy girl :)  wanting nothing more than your care, and the comfort of your gentle presence….of course the greed of your caressing remains 🤗 XOXO(♾️) silly boy, wish you were a little more greedier than me 🤗❤️

The journey between falling in love at first sight and dying inside from an unbearable fright has carried me through uncountable shades of emotion, gestures of tenderness, sparks of enviousness, whispers of possessiveness, waves of affection, care, concern, compromises, and above all… a reason to fall in love for  and with you,  again and again. Every day I reassure myself that even though the path is no longer the same, I will not give up. Not because I am strong, but because I never learned how to walk away from you. Instead, I remind myself that each day is a lesson, and every moment is a new chapter in a book with unknown number of pages, pages you can only breathe through. My mind keeps directing me back to the places where we once held hands and walked those few precious steps together. Yet my heart drifts elsewhere .. towards preparing your favourite meal, planning that candle-lit dinner, wrapping the gifts we chose with such playful anticipation. Shhhhh… that’s still o...

May I  have a moment to rest my head on your lap, to  let the storm inside me slowly settle.. A moment to simply breathe:  while your hands soothe the tension in my shoulders once more.. Let me smile through the tears… tears that fall only so I can pause, gather myself, and rise again. My body curls in on itself from a pain I can’t name; I am tired in ways words can’t hold. I know life must be taken as it comes, but still…. may I have this moment to regain my balance, to find my way back into my own skin? It feels as though my very flesh has loosened its grip on my bones and I wonder if I will ever feel like myself again. I get upset over the smallest things, but deep down I know, in those moments I am not me. I want to laugh with you, to cheer for you, to be the person you know, but first, let me rest my head on your lap until I can rebuild myself once more.

  My heart bleeds again…   God has his way of doing things and may be that’s why He took Ji earlier :( little girl Isha, you stepped into my life with innocence in your heart and curiosity shining in your eyes. We laughed, we cheered, we ate together—I fed you, and we chose to chill out as buddies, or “Bruhs,” as you all started calling. That was the beginning of our bond. Dance became our language—our way of connecting, of building trust m, comfort and care. I am forever grateful to the Almighty that you chose me to be your Odissi guide. No matter what, how bad the situation be, you always showed up. For years I dressed you in your Odissi attire, but the other day, when I dressed you and combed your hair, it felt so painfully different, my child. My heart bled again. We witnessed your growth—how beautifully you blossomed in your dancing, how confidently you performed your solo before a great audience. I will always cherish those simple, precious moments: you counting the cand...